Are you satisfied with your life? Happy with the way you handled everything? Would you try to fix things with someone you hurt? Would you tell them sorry?
I think much about it in these days, cause my world could end next week. It all could be over. I'll have another surgery cause the scar tissue from my cancer surgery last year has started to grow in an unhealthy way. So far I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to worry people.
But slowly the pressure on me grows.
I'm scared, cause I know, this surgery could cost me my life. Every surgery could. I'm highly allergic to anaesthetics and disinfectants. It was close last time, they told me, I'd be fully awake till early afternoon, but it was nearly midnight when I finally could think straight again. They had to give me adrenaline, otherwise I wouldn't write this now.
So yeah... my world could end next week. I can't help it, I'm sad. So much things I never told. So much things, I never did.
But on the other hand, so much things I did tel. So much things I did do.
And I wonder... Do I even have a reason to fight? For what? For who? For love, how so many say? I am not loved, by anyone. I'm liked and tolerated, nothing more.
Maybe the time has come to stop fighting. Maybe the time has come to have peace.
No, that's bullshit. Who knows me, knows that I will fight. When I find a reason to do so.
I'm looking for one, I try to find a reason for me.
But what's worth fighting for? Is there something for me? I don't know, really not.
September, the 14th, this day will decide everything. Either my world ends then or not.
Until then I try to find a reason to fight deaths embrace
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