The thousand faces of depression

Most people don't even know, what depression means. They think we sit around the whole day and cry. But that's not true. We can have fun, we can laugh, we can be happy and relaxed. We are most of the time. But there are other times too.

There are times, when it's too much of an effort to get up. When we're just exhausted. Too exhausted to bear the world, too exhausted to do anything. We just lay there, incapable of doing anything and wish, it would just end. We can't even ask for help, it's too much of an effort. We even don't see a reason in asking for help. Why should we?

There are 2 types of people, who react in the worst possible way. 1. the "Oh come on, get your shit together!" people and 2. the "What? Really? Oh no, I feel so bad for you!" people.

Both don't help at all! They only make it worse. To make it clear, I tell you what they do to us:

"get your shit together" people:

You make us feel incapable. Useless. It sounds so easy, when you tell us to get up, to go out, be social and so on. It is NOT easy for us. You make us feel worse, you make us feel weak. You frustrate us and we feel really bad about ourselves. We feel ashamed, cause we just CAN'T do the things you can do easily. Please finally understand, we are sick, not useless. So stop giving us this feeling!

"I feel so bad for you" people:

Well thank you. Thank you for making us feel guilty. You probably don't know it, but suffering from depression means too, we don't want to burden others with our shit. We're scared to be a burden! But when you tell us, you feel bad, cause we opened up to you and told you about it, what reaction do you expect? Certainly it won't be "Yay! I don't feel bad alone!"...

What you really can do:

When you see us pull back, becoming quiet or acting completely different than usual, just ask. Ask us, what's wrong, ask us what you can do to make us feel better. Offer to talk, to just listen. But accept a "no" too. That doesn't mean, we don't trust you anymore, it only means, we need time for ourselves, talking is just too much or we can't handle this tornado of feelings in us. Or even worse, the total abscence of feelings and we just stopped caring for anything. Make clear, we're not alone. If we want to talk, we'll need you more than anything.

The fear:

Yes, we are afraid of being open about depression. We can never know, how others will react. It's hard for us to talk about it. It's scary, cause this sickness can cost us friendships, relationships, we're scared to death of losing people dear to us. If this happens, it breaks us a little bit more, takes a little bit of ourself and makes us quiet.