Today is one of those days. I can't stop thinking. Not the nicest thoughts surround me.
I feel lonely, but to be honest, I could sit in a room full of people and feel lonely.
It's one of those days... I wonder what I am to people. What do I mean to those people I call friends? Am I a friend for them? A nuisance? A burden? Some random who's just there?
I don't know it anymore.
No, it's not without reason, at least not in my opinion. I ask so often...
"You wanna do something?"
"Could you help me with xy?"
"How was your day?"
"How are you?"
but no one asks me. So I wonder... Do they like being around me or not? Can I still call this friendship? It makes me sad.
These thoughts go their own ways, they go further and further until I wonder if I should just disappear. Just poof and I'm gone.
It's totally ok that not everybody likes me. I don't like everybody as well. But please don't make me waste my time then.
I'm not stupid. I see hints. I see who shows interest in me. I see things that are going on in the background. I don't tell everything I know, why should I? I only want the people around me being open to me. Is that too much to ask? I guess so.
It's truly frustrating to know when something's going on and people behave as if nothing happened.
Do they really think I'm that stupid? The only thing holding me back from telling is my loyalty.
But even I have my limits and maybe it's time that I show them.
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