08/10/2020

 I... don't even know where to start.

There happened so so much in such a short time. I sometimes feel like living in a soap opera xD

Am I happy? Sometimes I guess. There were days I cried of course, but being sad is ok! No one can always be happy, right?
But I feel less dead inside and that's positive. My heart is a bit less made of stone and that's positive too.

I... can't hide it. And I won't. There are still so many fights waiting for me. I know this.
But most people forget, I'm a warrior. I was BORN to fight. Why else would I have to pass such trials again and again?
I nearly died 5 times in my life. I survived. I fought. I know I can endure a lot more. Last year I ass kicked cancer and fought till I was in perfect health again.

Yes, my body has scars. Yes, most people find them ugly and think I should always hide them.
You know what? I won't! I show them proudly and I won't be ashamed of them. They show my fights and, what's way more important, my victories!
I will never stop fighting. Maybe alone, maybe with someone by my side. If I find them worthy enough. If they don't try to make me weaker than I am. I am not weak!
Sure, sometimes I retreat. Sometimes I decide, a fight isn't worth it or I think about a new strategy.
But I won't, for real, I REFUSE! to give in to someone who tries to beat me. I won't let them have victory, cause victory is MINE and mine alone.

Yes, it might take some time, it even might look if I had lost. But I simply wait. Wait and watch and when the moment is right, I will come back and fight harder than ever before.

Yes, I might be desperate, sad and even hopeless from time to time. That's normal! Even for warriors. But what really counts is to always come back to your feet.

So if you're out there, desperately searching for a way to handle something... Don't give up! Fight on when you think it's worth it. 
But if isn't, don't hesitate to drop the fight. It will hurt, a LOT, but you will get over it. Worthless fights are a waste of life time and energy. Don't waste it. No one is worth wasted time and energy. Never!